How to be polite in English

One of the most common stereotypes about the British (and the English in particular) is that they are very polite. There are many reasons for this, but in a nutshell, the British take pride in being courteous, and this is reflected in our language. Remember that politeness is just about softening a more direct opinion, so if you want to be more polite, all you need to do is use the following words and phrases, and you’ll be as well-mannered as a native in no time!

1. Say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ 

This is the first and most basic step. If you listen to a conversation between two natives in a shop or cafe, say, then you’ll hear how many times ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are used in a simple interaction. Have a look at this conversation below:

I counted 5 ‘pleases’ and a ‘thank you’, which is about average. You really can’t use these two words too much, as there’s no such thing as being too polite!

2. Use polite phrases 

There are loads of phrases that you can use to be more polite, so I’ll suggest some here to get you started. Have a look at the conversation above and you’ll see ‘can I have’ and ‘I’d like’, which are the most common ways of making a request. You could also use:

• (Please) could I have…

• (Please) may I have… 

• I’d love..

• Could you please..

• Would you please..

• Would you mind getting me.. (this one is not used in shops, cafes or restaurants so much but with friends and relatives. 

When directing or making suggestions, it’s easy to be too direct and sound rude (‘bring me this, call her, etc). You can make these more polite by softening your language using phrases like: 

• You could.. 

• How about…(remember to use +ing) with this

• What about.. (remember to use +ing) with this

• Let’s.. (this is often used to suggest a collaboration but is sometimes used to make a suggestion. It feels more polite, even if you don’t end up doing that activity together). 

3. Say sorry

The British say ‘sorry’ as much as they say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, and it’s often not to apologise, but to be more polite. Have a look at the following examples: 

When someone is in your way and you want them to move:

• Sorry, can I get past?

• Sorry, could you move please?

• Excuse me/Pardon me

When you didn’t hear what someone said, or need them to repeat something: 

• Sorry?

• Sorry, I didn’t hear you

• Sorry, I didn’t catch what you said

• Sorry, could you please repeat that?

4. Disagree politely

No-one really likes to offend anyone, and this is particularly difficult when we have a difference of opinion. Here are some ways to soften your language and have a polite exchange of views: 

Acknowledge the other person’s opinion before you disagree by saying one of the following:

• I see what you’re saying, but..

• I understand where you’re coming from, but.. 

• That’s a valid point, but..

Use an apology to introduce your argument. This is less confrontational than disagreeing straight away. 

• I’m sorry, but I disagree..

• I’m sorry, but that’s not true.. 

• I’m sorry, but I couldn’t disagree more (this is a polite way of saying that the person is talking absolute rubbish).

There are loads of other ways of being polite in English, as it is a fundamental part of our culture and language. Check out the British Council website for more ideas, and as always, keep an eye on this blog! 

*All pictures from a stock images database